


of a broken heart, (or two)

by tofumist



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: AGAIN i do not know how to tag, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Angst, Angst and Romance, Bad Decisions, Barista Kim Hongjoong, Boys In Love, Break Up, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Kissing, M/M, Park Seonghwa is Whipped, mentions of character kissing without consent, no beta we die like men, or are they?, seonghwa is a biker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:13:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26628838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tofumist/pseuds/tofumist
Summary: “L- lets break up,” The words finally made it out from his throat. It was starting to prick his insides if he didn’t let it out any sooner.Seonghwa was smitten from the first day he met Hongjoong in the rustic, shabby cafe shop. They were perfect together, heart eyes for one another - until one of them lost their reason to stay.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 8
Kudos: 31





	of a broken heart, (or two)

**Author's Note:**

> play me! [spotify playlist.](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5F4UG63FKnMfgtKrOn0LHb?si=KtflnMKrQSGe3d9v3_vEbA)
> 
> hello so uhh,, seongjoong happened to be my first fic here so, give a chance both to them n me i guess... *nervous chuckle* enjoy!

The image of Hongjoong entering Seonghwa's life had never left his eyes. He could still remember how vividly bright Hongjoong was, so bright that he splashed colours to his surroundings. The dimly lit cafe looked almost dead- but with Hongjoong, he gave it a new breath of life.

Seonghwa still remembers how he initially stepped into the cafe, wanting to get a hot cup of americano just to fight the freezing wind outside that made him cancel his ride plans with his gang. He remembers how his black leather jacket was eating him out alive from the breeze but turned to be the warmest comforter that heated and wrapped him up before he could turn into a puddle when he met Hongjoong's shiny eyes. The tingling sensation on his skin, the fluttering butterflies in his stomach that roamed all the way to his heart, he could still feel it.

Before, Seonghwa thought love at the first sight was foolish - things like that only happen in a romance movie. Until he met the brightly dyed red haired boy. Who knew the barista who'd make his order would no longer make him crave for americano, but for his lips instead?

But now Seonghwa is starting to doubt himself. Maybe he really is foolish. Foolish to believe such love does exist; and could last for an eternity.

See, Seonghwa really does love Hongjoong, he still does, but it's the other who got him questioning again.

Because now Hongjoong is in front of him, eyes dead and dull, and he no longer splashes colours to his surrounding - today he sucks in all the colours until he left his surroundings black and white.

Seonghwa thinks it's funny, how he first met a bright red haired Hongjoong in a shabby looking street cafe, yet he was brighter then, than now. Even when all of these fancy hotel lights are beaming upon him and his jet black hair. Quite suiting yet a little irony at the same time.

"I have something to tell you," Hongjoong speaks up for the first time of the night. His eyes has never left the table though, it must've bore a hole so huge as Hongjoong stared at it long enough.

Seonghwa gulps down his anxiety, not ready to listen to what the other might have hidden behind those gloomy eyes. No, Seonghwa does not want to listen at all. "That could wait later,"

"For now, let's enjoy our 1000th days being together." The taller says with his cheeks trying to form a genuine smile.

Hongjoong looks up to him, eyes a little wider (yet still dull) and shocked. His tiny fingers fiddling under the table, chest about to burst. Yes, he is caught red-handed, guilty for not remembering their anniversary.

Seonghwa felt a thump in his heart, he won't lie, he is a little disappointed. His stomach was twisting and turning but now it just freezes at the sight of a clueless Hongjoong. Still, he couldn't help but to admire Hongjoong's delicate features.

Seonghwa used to whine about how Hongjoong should be a professional model. He had the kind of beauty that would just stopped you in your tracks. Even now, in this restaurant, waiters and guests couldn't help but to steal a second glimpse at him. His jet black hair shines with the lights sparkling on him, like a reflection of a starry night on a quiet lake. His dazed eyes looks cloudy, not as shiny as they used to be but still, they could captivate Seonghwa in without even trying. How _could one still be so beautiful yet so dead inside?_

"It's okay," Seonghwa croaks a bit at that, voice not fully coming out as he wants it to be but quickly covering it up with a smile. "You must've been too busy to remember."

The waiter comes with their food, and Seonghwa doesn't know if he wishes for the time to tick slower or for it to run faster.

_Not even a single sorry comes out._

* * *

The warmth of ~~their~~ his home is not enough to bring back summer to Hongjoong's heart. (Seonghwa keeps on forgetting the fact that Hongjoong had moved out two months prior, and he doesn't even know if he could still call the apartment home; it doesn't feel like home without Hongjoong)

His body might be here, but his heart isn't. He knows it. Yet Seonghwa still drags the other with him, it feels like their 1000th day would end in such a waste if he doesn't.

Seonghwa looks back to the door when he notices he is alone in the living room. He quickly throws his old leather jacket (the one he wore when he first met Hongjoong) on the wall before going back to the front door.

"Are you just going to stand there?" he asks with a gentle voice, somehow hoping that it would knock Hongjoong's heart (and perhaps the Hongjoong he has been missing all these while would return).

Truth to be told, Seonghwa was never really the gentle one in their relationship. It has always been Hongjoong.

Even from the start, Seonghwa was just a broken boy who tried to defy the world, the world that gave him nothing but pain and misery, the world that was always unfair; and so he ran.

He ran from his roots, ran from his family, ran from anything and everything that tied him down.

That is, until Hongjoong gave him a reason to stay.

Never in a million years Seonghwa would have thought he would meet someone like Hongjoong. He'd never knew that he would be oh, so in love, with a pretty strawberry boy he met in the cafe he’d randomly stepped into.

Hongjoong was everything Seonghwa was not; so delicate, so ethereal, when Seonghwa was all sharp and rough around the edges.

He was the breeze of wind that knocked on your window in autumn, and he was the reason that Seonghwa's heart bloomed.

Oh, how Seonghwa wishes he had the same magic spell Hongjoong kept so he could cast away the stranger trapped in his lover's body right now.

"I still have something to say." The black haired boy says as Seonghwa tries to grab him to the living room.

Seonghwa sighs. "Sit, so we can talk,"

"I have something to say to you too." He continues, pain could be seen in his eyes, but he doesn't know if the other notices.

"It's okay, I'm about to leave," Was all Hongjoong mouths the minute he follows Seonghwa to the living room.

Seonghwa stops his journey to the kitchen. He was just planning to make their favourite strawberry tea, in hopes that he would stay the night.

"We just got here," He says.

"I know." Hongjoong fumbles with the inside of his pocket, an act that he always does when he is unsure of something or someone. _Why? Is he unsure of us?_ "I wish I could stay."

Seonghwa steals a quick glance to the clock on the wall. Only a quarter to midnight. "Why don't you stay?"

He attempts to take Hongjoong's brown trench coat; it smells like the strawberry cake they had for dessert earlier, and mostly his soft musk cologne.

The same smell he would inhale in the morning, when Hongjoong was still deep asleep next to him, with his hair all soft and messed up from their cuddling session. Then, the smaller one would wake up with glinting eyes when Seonghwa had stared at him long enough that, Seonghwa quote, 'I could feel an angel is monitoring me in my dreams,'.

And to that, Seonghwa would always reply, 'But then here we got a demon watching a beautiful angel caught in a deep sleep.'

Ultimately, Hongjoong would cup Seonghwa's puffy face and flutter him with tiny kisses all over it. ' _Y_ _ou_ are my angel,'

Still, Seonghwa couldn't remember the last time he and Hongjoong had been this close to each other. He couldn't remember a lot of things, like the sound of his lover's breathing when he lulled him to sleep, or the way Hongjoong would always hide his smile when he called him ‘little strawberry angel’.

Yet he could feel that those little things are fleeting away from him as the unspoken gap between them widened.

He had tried to tell himself that Hongjoong was busy, he had been managing the cafe all this while with little to no help at all. He did not ask if it could be anything more than that, because he did not want to hear the answer.

Just like right now.

“I can’t believe we’re together for almost three years now,” Seonghwa opens his mouth first, when he knew Hongjoong was about to slip his tongue. “Time really flies, huh?”

Hongjoong bites the corner of his lips, face drooping to the floor. He didn’t even reply to the man in front of him - he doesn’t even have the heart to look at him in the eyes anymore.

“We can’t do this any longer.” Finally, the black haired boy murmurs.

There it is, Seonghwa thought. It feels like a slap on his face, yet he still choose to play dumb. “What do you mean?”

They were only a few centimeters apart, yet Hongjoong’s deep sigh made it feels like they’re in different dimensions. So near, yet so far away. “How long are you going to lie to yourself?”

And again, Seonghwa's heart sinks to the floor for the nth time tonight. He swears he could hear his own heart cluttering down to the ground like an empty can. Or is it just his imagination? Because if it is, then all of this better be one.

God knows how hard he is praying for all of this is just a bad nightmare, the one he’d have after getting caught in a small fight with Hongjoong, and the next morning when he wakes up he’d see his strawberry angel in his embrace; and so he squeezes his eyes shut.

“Seonghwa…” Hongjoong whispers softly in his ears, yet it felt cold to Seonghwa. He could already predict the next sentence that will come out; his biggest nightmare.

Before Hongjoong could open his mouth again, Seonghwa pulls him in for a kiss, eyes still tightly shut. He doesn’t want to see Hongjoong’s shocked or pained expression, or worse, he doesn’t want to see Hongjoong kissing him back with his eyes open.

It was nothing but an innocent kiss. The same first kiss they had shared together on Seonghwa’s motorbike when he confessed under the starry night; because Seonghwa got to know that Hongjoong has a thing for constellations.

The same everyday kiss that Seonghwa would secretly steal when Hongjoong was grinding the coffee beans for his customers, and then the said boy would whine for such PDA - but then he would shower him with more kisses when he pulled Seonghwa to the storage.

The same kiss that sends electricity down their spine, shutting off their minds for a second.

Hongjoong pushes him away, this is definitely _not_ what he wanted, and if Seonghwa keeps it up, then he wouldn’t be able to make things right.

It’s about time for him to decide, and he had to sacrifice something (read: Seonghwa, or actually, his heart) for him to make things right. Though, he himself is not sure if this is really the right decision.

No, it _has_ to be, Hongjoong has had enough and he can't lie to his own heart and to Seonghwa anymore. He can't pretend that things are perfect when they are everything but that.

“Let’sendthingshere,” Hongjoong intones flatly in one breath.

“What?”

“L- lets break up,” The words finally made it out from his throat. It was starting to prick his insides if he didn’t let it out any sooner.

Seonghwa winces at the words. The three words that keep on haunting him in his dreams the last few weeks. It felt like the words were shaped into an arrow, but it was blunt and rusty. Yet it still pierced right through his heart, a thousand times more torturous than a normal one would.

Hongjoong breaks Seonghwa’s heart.

The dreading silence is making Hongjoong uneasy, his chest tightening into knots. Thus he turns away from Seonghwa, picking up his coat on the floor before leaving.

“If it's about us,” The taller mumbles, but still enough to be heard by the other. “Why do _you_ get to decide?”

When Hongjoong didn’t answer - _couldn’t_ answer - Seonghwa solemnly throws a look towards the window, his scowl softening into a frown. “Do you love her?”

The black haired boy lets out a sharp exhale. _So he knew_. “It doesn’t matter to you, does it?”

Seonghwa reaches in his pocket to grab his lighter - only to find nothing but the little exchange from the fancy dinner they had earlier.

He had stopped smoking months ago, yet he couldn’t stop his habits of fumbling and flickering the cigar ignitor in times like this; in times when he wishes the world to stop and gobble him whole so he does not need to feel this sorrow devouring him. He wants to burn the throbbing pain away.

“You didn’t answer my question,” He says. “Look at me in the eye and tell me; do you love her?”

Hongjoong tightens the grip on his jacket. He can't cry today. He promised himself that he won't cry today and that is exactly what he will do. Because this is Hongjoong. And Hongjoong _hates_ to break a promise. “My mom _loves_ her.”

But Seonghwa is Seonghwa. He doesn't get to choose when tears will flow or when it’ll stop. Especially in matters of Hongjoong. And tears are now welling up pretty damn fast in Seonghwa’s eyes - the dam will be broken soon.

“But you- you don't love her, don't you? Why would you go with someone who doesn't make you happy- I can make you happy, we are happy, right? Hong please-” and Seonghwa starts to babble like a little child, words all mushing up together, repeating over and over like a broken tape.

Maybe that is what a broken heart sounds like in real life.

If there's one thing that Seonghwa hates the most in this life it's being a loser. And Seonghwa knows how ugly and a mess he looks like right now, loser can't even describe him - he looks like a disaster.

“Please Hongjoong? You can't leave me like this, I love you so much - I really do, I'll make you happier than she could ever. Tell me what do you want me to do? Tell me how could I fix this? I love you Hong, please. Please, _please,_ I love you.”

Again, Seonghwa hates how he looks like a total loser right now, begging and clinging on Hongjoong’s sleeves. But this is Hongjoong we’re talking about, and Seonghwa would rather die than to live in a world without Hongjoong.

But Hongjoong, Hongjoong doesn't care, does he? The dark circle around his eyes just shows how tired he is, even the dim stars he used to hide in his eyes are fully gone by now.

Hongjoong can't just leave Seonghwa like that. Seonghwa knows that the other still loves him, and the other girl - she is just a stranger who is going to steal Hongjoong from him. Seonghwa loves Hongjoong and that fact wouldn't change, not even after a million years.

Hongjoong pulls away ever so gently from Seonghwa’s hands, but Seonghwa is just terrified of losing Hongjoong for the second time, so he latches on to him again just as quickly.

“Hwa,” This time, with a little more force, Hongjoong pries his hands away from Seonghwa’s. “I’ve given you a chance to fix this before, but you didn't.”

Seonghwa’s breath hitches to a stop, but tears is still prickling down from his eyes.

Why? Why has it become like this?

All that he ever wants in his life is for Hongjoong to be happy. For them to be happy. But all that is happening now is only hurting him. Hurting _them_. So why?

Maybe Seonghwa should have known better before. Maybe if Seonghwa had made better judgments than to blindly follow his lust for a drunken one night stand, maybe all of this won't happen.

Maybe then he wouldn't break Hongjoong’s heart.

_Once._

After a lot of tears and _sorry-s_ and _i love you-s,_ Seonghwa should have been thankful enough to have been granted a second chance; and to never enter some stupid bars to get wasted again.

But mistakes happen. And Seonghwa knows he fucked up big time. Once is ugly enough - let alone twice.

_Twice._

If it has happened once, it was a mistake. Twice, it was a coincidence. And Hongjoong is way too scarred that he’d rather leave than watch the third to happen.

One could only do so much with his heart. Hongjoong can't help but to wonder, _it must be nice, to love someone who lets you break them twice._

Hongjoong stops at the door just as the clock makes it last tick to twelve. “And before I go, you can't even get the days right,”

Seonghwa could feel his chest tightening that he forgot how to breathe.

“Happy 1004 days, Park Seonghwa.” Hongjoong utters in a voice so low, but his words travels with the wind to Seonghwa’s ears.

And tonight, Park Seonghwa breaks Kim Hongjoong’s heart for the third time.

**Author's Note:**

> 1) congrats for reaching the end of the story *chuckles* i totally did NOT expect my first fic here to be a seongjoong fic i whipped up at 3am but oh well... anyways! 
> 
> 2) disclaimer; i do NOT condone any negative behaviors shown in the fic esp cheating, and if ur partner has cheated on u p l e a s e, i advise u to never go back to them, it will only hurt u more in the process :( and if ure cheating on ur partner... why,, either way, if u have ever involved urself in such relationship, i hope u are healing now ♡
> 
> do consider a kudos / comments to lmk if u enjoyed this!! ☆ [twitter.](https://twitter.com/sansdpr)


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